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“this is how memories are made,” he said running down the street away from me. and i pressed my back into the wall feeling my belly fall knowing this was not going to be a memory i wanted after all … | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

“this is how memories are made,”
he said
running down the street
away from me

and i pressed my back into the wall
feeling my belly fall
knowing this was not going to be a memory
i wanted after all

some boys
snack on hearts
speak music
and breathe sex

i fall endlessly for the brooding ones
and could write my life
as a story of chasing tragedy

he turned back to look at me
beckoning me
“are you ready, emily?”
he said

and began running

there are moments when time slows
and you feel
feeling happening

i remember
the wind hitting my face
as my eyes began to water
i remember
the stinging in my thighs
as i pushed against the ground
and i remember
my heart opening

it was so intense i was afraid he could see
my body bursting with terror filled glee
it was the first time
i felt pain and joy simultaneously
and it felt worth everything

years later
i am walking down the street in nyc
and i feel a distinct aching
take over me
my heart so numb
clenched
and it was the first time
in a long time
but at least i felt something

and then i realized
this was that street
the street i ran down
late one saturday night
for a boy who snacked on hearts
spoke music
and breathed sex

and i remembered the knowing
in my body
i blatantly disregarded
because
he promised me
memories

and something healed in me
as i realized
i actually knew
i had been living with the story
that he blindsided me
i was embarrassed for not seeing
what was coming

but i did
i just didn’t see it with my eyes
i felt it with my body
and this has taught me
to listen differently

to listen to belly flips
and clenched jaws
to trust goose bumps
and warm hearts

because sometimes the body speaks
what the heart knows
and the soul craves

because sometimes messages come
in the subtlest of eye rolls
or the sweetest of quivers

because always
your body is caring for you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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