what do you want
he said
his certainty
pressed into me

i found myself
choking on the urge
to scream
just leave
just go please
and take
your trite half truths
masked as questions
and your pretend curiosity
with you

but then i remembered
how i used to be…
in love always
with dreams
of how things could be

so i turned
to face him
knowing he had
no real interest in me
determined still
to at the very least know
i answered honestly
for me
out of respect
for what i say
matters to me

what do i want?
i said…

i want fullness in every breath
and warmth from the inside out
i want to feel like i am flying
when i fall
and i want to know
where the ground is always

i want a love that overwhelms me
and lips that taste
like sun kissed wild berries
i want to remember
every moment that gets in
and make art that captures hearts
and has us feeling tender deeply

i want to be a mom
i want someone to call me mommy
and i want to be sincerely okay
being completely alone

i want to learn everything i can
and i want to be grateful
for the endless mysteries

i want to feel joy mostly
and share it effortlessly

i want to know
i made a difference
genuinely, wholeheartedly

i want to feel useful
and impeccably used up
when i go to forever sleep

and i want to know
at the very least
i did everything
i did fully
with all of me

yes that
this is what i want

thank you
for asking me

❤️emily joy rosen

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