work on self is not selfish. it’s a necessity. i confess i used to think differently, but the universe humbled me here (over and over and over again) till underwater, gasping for air, i got it that there was no way i was going to make it if i didn’t start looking at me. but i didn’t much care for myself (honestly i hated myself) and so the idea of healing just for me was beyond uninteresting and literally had no traction in my system. i wasn’t sure i had any reason to keep going. i wasn’t sure i wanted to be here anymore. i was dancing with dying. but then someone said to me, when you heal, you help others heal, and if you heal, you can help others heal. and i remember running from the workshop into the bathroom, black tears streaming down my face as my eyeliner mixed with my first taste of hope in years. i wish i knew her name, the woman who said this to me, i wish i could find her and thank her, because she opened the door that gave my life back to me. she gave me a purpose, a reason to heal, and for years i have lived on the possibility that someday, not only would i get out, i would help other women get out. i have been so consumed these last 8 years, healing ruthlessly, repairing my body, reclaiming my mind, soothing my heart, feeding my soul (and building a company that required many 80+ hour weeks) i think i forgot to realize that i am now (yes now) i am now living my dream (at least around healing my eating disorder). and that, that is just the very sweetest feeling i would want for everyone. but first you heal. for you. yes, you. and just know (trust) it will also be for every woman before and after you…

❤️ emily joy rosen

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